FB November 25, 2011 at 11:46AM

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Now to celebrate the true meaning of Thanksgiving by flushing a months worth of food for a third-world village down the toilet.

FB November 12, 2011 at 08:23AM

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Me (after being smacked in the face by a branch on my bike ride home): Did you see my face? Wife: Why, what happened? Oh my gosh! Did you break your nose? It’s all swollen and crooked! Me: Uh, no. I scratched my lip. But thanks for letting me know about my big crooked nose.

FB November 09, 2011 at 07:56PM

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Mary (flexing): I have strong muscles Me: Yes you do Mary: I could probably kill one of the kids at school Me: .. Mary: I could kill you